I Spent A Year In Hibernation.

Excerpt from the BexLyrical newsletter on Substack.

I needed to break the cycle I was in.

Burn out.

Not “I need a week off” burn out.

Not “I need a new job” burn out.

Not “I’ve let my self-care slip” burn out.

The type of burn out that sends you into hibernation. That brings blood tests that are all wrong. That sees doctors scratching their heads. That makes you projectile vomit out of fear and stress an overwhelm. That leaves you pale, fatigued, and too sad to even cry anymore.

I’ve tried to view it as a breakthrough - and maybe, in time, that will be what it feels like - but, right now, let’s call it what it is; a breakdown. A complete checkout of everything I needed to function.

It’s embarrassing but it’s undeniable.

So, I spent a year in hibernation. I needed time to lick my wounds. To truly begin to recover. To break the cycle. To figure out a way to function.

Because, surely, there is a better way than this?

I’ve spent more time than I’d like this year in waiting rooms, in consultations, having tests done, and more tests done, waiting for results, and deciphering half-answers as my body keeps trying to recalibrate… but I’m getting there. I am better than I have been in a long while, but it’s probably always going to be an ongoing process, so there comes a point where you have to decide to rejoin the land of the living. Right?

So, how did I spend my hibernation?

How did I spend my days in the dark?

What did I uncover?

What the fuck is next?

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I will do my best.

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Continued on Substack - read it now.